The Ocean Blue
by parisindy
Summary: What starts off as a nice relaxing afternoon of sailing could turn tragic for Seth and Ryan as an accident forces them to fight for their very survival. COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

Okay I've written fan fiction before. But I have only ever written Harperchondriac/Andromeda Fanfiction.  
  
So this is a bit of a stretch for me. (There is just something about blonde angsty boys let me tell you)  
  
So I hope you'll bear with me, as this isn't my usual fare. No starships or Slipfighters in sight. Still I hope it's good enough to read.  
  
Sorry for the crappy formatting. I can't get it to work right at this site.  
  
For those reading my other story "Three Parts Dead." Don't worry I'll have a new part for that one soon.  
  
Happy reading  
  
The Ocean Blue  
  
TITLE: The Ocean Blue  
  
AUTHOR: parisindy  
  
RATING: PG 13 (foul language)  
  
DISCLAIMER: No money was received or exchanged. I do not own The O.C. or any of its Characters. This is purely for fun.  
  
ARCHIVE: Please ask first.  
  
LOGLINE: What starts off as a nice relaxing afternoon of sailing could turn tragic for Seth and Ryan as an accident forces them to fight for their very survival.  
  
In fourteen hundred and ninety two Columbus sailed the ocean  
  
blue. Anonymous  
  
"I am not sick!"  
  
"Dude, you look like a nasal spray commercial!"  
  
Seth ducked the pillow his foster brother aimed at his head. Seth continued finding the whole situation highly amusing. "Are they paying you royalties?"  
  
"Seth!" Ryan's voice was low and threatening but Seth didn't buy it for a moment.  
  
"So...Since you're not sick want hit the bay? Do a little coasting on the waves?"  
  
Ryan looked like he turned a little green "Sailing? No, I'm just going to crash and watch TV."  
  
There was a light knock on the door as Kristen entered the pool house. Instantly her face wrinkled with concern. "Ryan, honey are you okay?  
  
Seth piped up before she could answer. "He's sick but he's in denial."  
  
"Aw, I see."  
  
"I'm not sick." Ryan protested. "In fact we were just about to go sailing. Right Seth!"  
  
It was such an obvious ploy but Seth, not wanting to look a gift horse in the mouth, leapt to Ryan's defense. "That's right if because if you were sick you wouldn't want to go sailing."  
  
Ryan glared at Seth.  
  
Kristen stepped forward and placed her hand firmly on Ryan's head. He flinched slightly but Kirsten was persistent. "Well you don't have a fever... I had come to see if you would pick up some decorations for me for tomorrow's cabaret but if you're going sailing..."  
  
"We can pick them up on the way back. I don't think we'll be out long." Ryan obliged.  
  
Kristen smiled as she took a step back from Ryan allowing him his space. "Great. I'm glad you won't be gone long anyway you really look awful."  
  
"Thanks" Ryan replied snidely.  
  
Seth chuckled to himself.  
  
Even Kristen was starting to laugh. "You know what I mean. I'd hate to see you get sick especially with mid terms coming up."  
  
Seth groaned. Leave it to Mom to think of school and blemish a perfectly good Saturday afternoon. "Mom!" He whined.  
  
"Fine, fine I'm going. Just don't forget to pick up that stuff. I need to start organizing it tonight."  
  
Ryan looked over the side of the Summer's Breeze bow. Seth's small sailing vessel glided across shiver and every time the small boat hit a large wave he felt his stomach gurgle in protest. Pretty soon whether he wanted to or not he would have to admit he was sick. He hadn't wanted to come in the first place but he had never really been sick in the Cohens house before. When he was sick at his old place in Chino he would just crawl on to the small cot in the room he shared with his brother. He would pull the  
  
blanket up over his head and will the world away. Luckily in his old house no cared and he was pretty much left alone. He loved the Cohen's but sometimes it just felt weird having them know every aspect of his life. He liked being alone with his misery.  
  
Plus, he hated to admit it but sailing made him nervous. He could swim just fine sure, but he had never swam in the ocean. Which was weird considering he grew up in California. Some people automatically thought all Californians we're surfers but his Mom never even took them to the beach. When Trey and he were little they used to go to the free swim at the YMCA and of course he same in the Cohen's pool but that was it.  
  
He was starting to feel queasy again so he closed his eyes trying to think of something other then the up and down movements of the boat.  
  
Seth poked him in the side and he jumped. "You okay?"  
  
He blinked up at Seth's concerned face. Ryan rubbed a hand across his eyes. "I guess you were right. I'm not feeling so hot."  
  
"I knew it." Replied Seth seriously. "I wish you would have said something earlier. We're kind of far out now. It'll take us about half an hour to forty-five minutes to get home. Is that okay?"  
  
"Seth I'm not dying I just have the flu or something." Ryan groaned inwardly, it was starting already. The overly concerned look on Seth's face convinced him of it.  
  
"Well you just take it easy and I'll get us home. We probably should anyway if want to do that errand you volunteered us for."  
  
"She does lots for us Seth."  
  
"Yeah, Yeah" Seth waved his hands obviously he did not want to be reminded. Seth pretended to be the big shot sometimes but when push came to shove he was a good kid.  
  
For a moment they were both distracted by another nearby boat. It was pulling a wakeboarder and Ryan watched as the person on the small board leapt and twisted in the air. The high-speed motorboat swerved crazily as it occupants roared with laughter. Seth swore under his breath as they both saw the driver throw a beer can over board.  
  
"Idiots," complained Seth. "They shouldn't be drinking like that never mind polluting the ocean."  
  
Seth liked to part like everyone else but he new when to draw the line. Ryan admired him for that. Lots of people didn't know when enough was enough. Also Seth was very protective of his ocean. He loved to sail because he enjoyed he purity of being one with nature, the man against the elements. This made Ryan laugh because he couldn't even imagine Seth sleeping in a tent or anything. But, Ryan had to admit Seth knew sailing.  
  
The noise of the other boat and the movement was all a bit much so Ryan closed his eyes again. He was trying to concentrate on how the sun made images on the inside of his eyelids when he heard Seth yell.  
  
Ryan eyes shot open but it was to late to do anything. The last thing he saw was the speedboat heading straight for them.  
  
Voices... he heard voices.  
  
"Are they dead!?"  
  
"Fuck! This can't be happening!"  
  
"Look the one with the 'fro is breathing!"  
  
Seth, they we're talking about Seth! Was he hurt? Ryan wanted to call out but he could seem to open his eyes. God, Seth, please be okay! He must have made a noise.  
  
"Alright the other ones alive to let's get out of here."  
  
"Sean, we just can't leave them..."  
  
Seth...Seth... Seth...The Mantra ran through Ryan's mind. He had to get to him. Everything was so cold it was hard to move. He tried to move his hand. Pain shot up his shoulder and coursed down his back and up his neck. "Seth," he managed to mumble before he sank back down in to the deep dark black.  
  
tbc 


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for all the nice comments. Sorry about the formatting I'm sorry if there are typos but I will come back and fix them later. We're under a tornado watch and I better get off the computer  
  
-Paris  
  
He bumped up against something. It hurt. Someone was talking to him but he didn't quite understand. Gads, it hurt. "Mm. Ow."  
  
"Ryan? Ryan! Are you awake, man? Please be awake."  
  
More words bubbled around his head but a few finally started to sink in. "Seth?" Ryan's voiced croaked.  
  
"Open your eyes, Ryan. Don't you dare leave me alone out here."  
  
"Seth?"  
  
"Yeah, it's me." Ryan could here Seth's voice quiver.  
  
Ryan was nearly overwhelmed with relief. He let his body relax. Seth was here. Seth was okay. He just wanted to sleep now. He allowed the aches to float away.  
  
A sharp pain bit him in the ribs on his left side. "OW!" His eyes shot open as he tried reflexively to move away. Moving was a mistake. He winched and held his breath for a moment until the discomfort subsided. "...Damn."  
  
Ryan blinked until he could focus. He had to look up. Seth was behind him and he had an arm wrapped around Ryan's chest. They we're floating. They were still in the water.  
  
"Sorry." Seth grinned faintly.  
  
Ryan did his best to glare at him. "Did you pinch me?"  
  
Seth giggled irrationally; the laugh was verging on hysterics. "I-I though you we're going to faint again."  
  
Seth's smile was contagious as Ryan felt some of the adrenaline leave his body. "Pass out maybe, but I never faint."  
  
This time Seth let out a genuine bark of laughter. But then Ryan saw his friend's face crease with pain. "Oh," he moaned. "Don't make me laugh."  
  
Ryan tried to turn to see Seth better. "Seth? Are you okay?" As he turned his body was wracked with own pain again. He closed his eyes and held his breath for a moment. This time he was more able to focus on where the pain was coming from; his head, his right arm, his right chest and his left knee. He finally let out a gasping breath. "Seth?"  
  
"Ryan relax, I'm okay. I think I broke some ribs though. But, you look like ground round."  
  
Ryan snorted; even now Seth managed to make jokes. "Thanks for the visual."  
  
"You're welcome."  
  
"So, what happened? I'm a bit fuzzy. Why are we in the water?"  
  
Seth gave him another concerned look but Ryan chose to ignore it. "The Summer Breeze got nailed by those drunks in the motor boat. They took off. The Breeze is sawdust."  
  
It was then Ryan realized that Seth's other hand was looped around what was left of the small ship's floaters. Ryan swore under his breath. "Any idea how we can get home?"  
  
"Plenty, I could use my cell phone to phone Dad."  
  
"Then why don't you?"  
  
"Apparently some electronics don't like swimming. Go figure."  
  
"Yeah," replied Ryan. "Go figure. What about flares?"  
  
"How deep can you dive?"  
  
Ryan sighed. "So basically we're fucked."  
  
"Damn straight." Seth smiled sarcastically. "Soon or later a boat will come buy or Dad will start to freak out and someone will call the life guard."  
  
"I don't think we're going to get to pick up that stuff for your mom."  
  
Seth chuckled then groaned. "No laughing remember? Besides this isn't funny."  
  
Ryan grinned goofily despite himself. "Nope not at all funny."  
  
Seth cleared his throat. "We might have to swim a bit are you up for that?"  
  
Even the thought of moving made Ryan fell nauseous. "I'll up for what ever we have to do. I thought you said some one would come and find us."  
  
"They will..." Seth hesitated.  
  
"But?"  
  
"Well, the sun is setting. And now I don't want to freak you out or anything but well dusk is the big time for sharks."  
  
Ryan's head snapped back so he could look at Seth. "You better still be joking."  
  
"I wish I was. Plus, I think the water is going to get cold pretty fast. I'm not sure we can wait."  
  
Ryan swore under his breath but obviously Seth hadn't heard what he said.  
  
"What?"  
  
"This never happened when I was Chino."  
  
Seth laughed. "So who's meaner? Eddie, AJ or the sharks?"  
  
Ryan just glared at Seth. "So how should we do this?"  
  
"Um, swimming right... Can you grab on to the floater?"  
  
Ryan tried to wiggle the fingers on his right hand. They refused to respond. That probably wasn't good. "I'll try, let go for a sec will you?"  
  
Seth loosened his grip. Ryan wasn't aware how much Seth had been holding him up. He quickly began to sink. He kicked his leg with surprise. A surge of pain rippled up from his knee all the way to his hip. He gasped and seawater rushed down his throat. Quickly a hand grabbed him by the colour dragging him upwards. He grabbed the floater with his good hand desperately as he coughed and sputtered for air.  
  
"Dude? You okay?"  
  
Ryan coughed for a few minutes more unable to catch enough breath to answer his foster brother. Seth pounded him on the back as he spit out water.  
  
"You okay?" Seth asked again as Ryan got his breathing under control.  
  
"Yeah," He croaked. "My life jacket?"  
  
"Doesn't work so well when it's ripped to shreds," finished Seth.  
  
Ryan winched, as the stitch in his chest got worse. He closed his eyes until the irritation finished washing over him.  
  
"So where does it hurt?"  
  
"I'm fine Seth."  
  
"You're not, don't get all macho either. It's just you, me and Nemo out here."  
  
Ryan glared at Seth for a moment but finally sighed with resign. "I'm fine."  
  
"Yeah well the gash in your head and the hamburger arm say otherwise."  
  
Ryan nodded as he leaned forward to rest his head on the floater. "I'm a bit dizzy. My chest aches, I think I messed up my knee...satisfied?"  
  
"What about your arm?"  
  
"Well, I can't really move it. So it's probably not good. But I've had worse. I'll be okay."  
  
"You've had worse?" The surprise was evident in Seth voice. "I knew you had problems before..."  
  
"You asked me which was worse before?" Ryan interrupted. He really didn't want to get in to this right now."  
  
"Yeah," replied Seth.  
  
"Well I'll take sharks over A.J. any day. Besides, sharks are smarter and don't reek of Jack Daniels."  
  
"Ah, point taken. Okay tough guy what I need you to do mostly is hold on and kick with your good leg. Think you can do that."  
  
Ryan could help but grin.  
  
"What!?" Questioned Seth suspiciously.  
  
"You sound just like Sandy." Ryan's smile grew bigger.  
  
"Oh, that's low brother, real low." Seth waved his arm dramatically. "And, here I am trying to save your life!"  
  
"Whatever, just head us in the right direction."  
  
"Aye, aye Captain."  
  
"Seth?"  
  
"Yeah, Ryan?"  
  
"Shut up and paddle."  
  
Sandy paced in front of the picture window in the living room. Kirsten sat on the couch unconsciously wringing her hands over and over.  
  
"They should have been back by now." Sandy paced as he worried.  
  
"I'm sure they are fine. They are probably just at the mall or something. Maybe they had car trouble." Kirsten was just as worried as Sandy was and she was desperate for this all to be just a miss understanding.  
  
Sandy stopped pacing and knelt down in front of her. He took her hands in hers. "You said they went sailing Kirsten. Seth's sailboat isn't docked in the harbor. I think we did the right thing by calling the Harbor Patrol. All teens can be irresponsible but the boys would have called by now."  
  
Kirsten wiped away a tear. It was from the stress nothing more she told herself. The boys would be fine. "I shouldn't have let them go... I think Ryan was coming down with something. But, he didn't want to admit it. If something happened..."  
  
Sandy pulled her in to an embrace then. "Shh, there are fine I'm sure of it. They'll be home soon and Seth will be raving about their adventures. And we'll fill Ryan up with so much chicken soup he won't know what hit him."  
  
Kirsten closed her eyes for a second allowing herself to be comforted. They would be home soon. Everything would be fine. She wouldn't allow herself to think about any alternative scenarios.  
  
The sun was long gone as Seth squinted to see Ryan in the moonlight. He had tried to keep it light earlier but now concern was burning the pit of his stomach. Ryan looked bad and was obviously having trouble. He was pale and had started shivering about 45 minutes ago. His shivering seemed to get worse with every minute that ticked by. Now he was resting his head on the platoon and he had stopped kicking for the fourth time. Seth didn't want him to fall asleep. Ryan might have a concussion. He didn't know why but falling asleep was bad if you had a concussion. Seth shivered as well. The water had gotten really cold. They had to keep moving.  
  
Seth poked Ryan in the shoulder jostling the other boy.  
  
"Huh what?" Ryan was obviously becoming disorientated and that wasn't good.  
  
"Ryan, which Spiderman do you like best?"  
  
"What are you talking about?" Ryan groaned.  
  
"Just answer the question."  
  
"I didn't know there was more then one."  
  
Seth gasped in mock exasperation. "Have I thought you nothing?"  
  
"There's just P-Peter Parker." Ryan shivered and his eyes closed just a little.  
  
"Well at least you know that much."  
  
Ryan put his head back down on the floater and gave a weak kick with his leg. "I-I saw the movies."  
  
"Oh yeah well... there is Ultimate Spiderman, the Adventures of Spiderman. ..." Seth rattled on for a moment. "Ryan!"  
  
Ryan jerked his head up. "Huh yeah what?"  
  
"Dude, you're scaring me."  
  
"Sorry Seth, I'm just tired."  
  
Seth shuffled over towards Ryan so he cold reach out and touch his forehead. Ryan jerked his head away reflexively but Seth had felt his head. Ryan skin was cold but he also felt clammy.  
  
"You're sick."  
  
"I'm fine." Ryan replied.  
  
Seth thought that it must be so instinctive to him to admit he was okay. Even when he was hurt bad Ryan couldn't confess how he felt. Seth closed his eyes for a moment. He didn't want to think about what kind of life you had to leave to develop instincts like that. Seth wanted to be a little more like Ryan right now though. His side ached something furious but right now he had to be the one in charge. Ryan could barley hold on to the piece of beat up fiberglass that was his beloved boat.  
  
Seth opened his eyes again. He glanced over to his friend again. Ryan was still holding on but was otherwise completely still. He was just about to poke him again when something caught his eye. A light, a very bright light.  
  
Oh thank God it was the Harbor Patrol!!. Seth jumped up as high as he could and started shouting. "Help! Help! Over here!"  
  
The light trained on them then. "Stay there son, we'll come to you!" Shouted a man over a bullhorn.  
  
Seth turned to Ryan excitedly. "See I told you..." his voice died away abruptly. Ryan was gone.  
  
Tbc 


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks for all the amazing comments ... really it very nice and unexpected. You guys are swell!  
  
Yes I realize I need a proofreader badly. I have one for my Andromeda stories but not one for my OC stuff...so if there are any volunteer's that would be great.  
  
I'm sorry the chapters are short but I'm going on vacation so I haven't had time to write as much as I had hoped and even less time to proof read.... Hopefully I'll fix it all when I get back...  
  
If you want to read a version that is properly formatted please go to www exisle dot net  
  
Spotlights danced over the water like some manic disco.  
  
Seth Started to flail in the water as he searched for his friend. "Ryan!" He screamed. Suddenly there was a man in a wet suit beside him. Seth grabbed him despite the pain the burned up his side. "Ryan, he was just here!" the panic welled up in his chest he could barley breath. "Please," he pleaded. "My brother!"  
  
Another man in a diving suit somersaulted in beside Seth with a splash that started the distraught boy.  
  
The man that Seth held in a death grip talked to him kindly. "Let's get you aboard son. We need to warm you up."  
  
"No," Seth struggled. "Ryan, I need to find him!"  
  
"It's okay," the man soothed. "My partner is looking for him. He's the best there is."  
  
A sob escaped from Seth's voice as they pulled him towards the Harbor patrol boat.  
  
Ryan was dreaming. It wasn't a good dream. He was falling and he didn't like heights.  
  
He had had this dream before, except this time it seemed to be in slow motion. It felt as if he was floating down to his death instead of at a breakneck speed. He was holding his breath and it hurt. Little spots of little sparkled before his eyes. He wanted to open his mouth ...to breath. But that was bad and he couldn't quite remember why. He hurt and he was tired. He had to stay awake so Seth wouldn't be alone. Seth! Where was Seth!? He struggled but found now purchase.  
  
He didn't like this dream. He wanted to be back in the pool house. He wanted to smell Marissa's hair and play video games. He wanted to eat pizza and laugh as Sandy teased Kirsten. He wanted to go home.  
  
He was cold and so tired. He opened his mouth and the water rushed in.  
  
It hurt. The water hurt. It was all around him and inside him. He couldn't get away.  
  
The darkness hit him like an anvil.  
  
A man on the boat wrapped Seth in big heavy blankets. But, Seth struggled against them. He didn't care about the blankets he needed to find Ryan.  
  
The man that he had talked to early in the water appeared at his side again. He knelt in front of Seth in an effort to black Seth's mad dash to the side of the large boat. "My name is Ken. Your name is Seth right? Seth Cohen? Your folks called in and said you and you're foster brother we're missing. We'll keep looking for him but we need to check you out okay? "  
  
Seth nodded distractedly as he tried to pull away again.  
  
The there was a pop and a splash as the other diver appeared out of the water. He was pulling on something. Quickly, the diver's co-workers converged him on and together they pulled a lifeless body on board.  
  
It was Ryan.  
  
He lay unmoving in a growing pool of water. The medical team instantly surrounded Ryan blocking him from Seth's view.  
  
Seth leapt forward in a panic. "Oh God, Ryan!"  
  
Ken held him back. "Shh, let them work."  
  
Seth turned towards Ken frantically. Seth's eyes felt huge he didn't feel like he could blink. "Is he breathing? It didn't look like he was breathing!"  
  
Ken sat him down again. "I need you to stay calm Seth. Let them work. He's in good hands and we need to take care of you now."  
  
The boat shuddered as it turned and started to race back to the harbor. Seth suddenly felt exhausted. It was all too much. What happened? They we're just going sailing. How...why did this happen? The world started to spin and he felt himself lurch forward.  
  
"Whoa, there kiddo." Ken's arms wrapped around his and helped him to the deck. "Let's get you lying down for a while."  
  
Ken worked swiftly the entire time he spoke with a calm soothing voice. Seth wished fervently for his parents. They would know what to do. Ken tucked heated pads under Seth's arms and between his legs.  
  
"Seth, do you hurt anywhere?"  
  
Seth didn't answer as Ken poked and prodded him. But he groaned despite himself as Ken ran his hands over his ribs.  
  
"Well, buddy I think you have some broken ribs. I'm going to call an ambulance to meet us at the shore I think you'll need to go in with your brother. Just to get checked out a bit." Ken smiled.  
  
"My Mom and Dad?"  
  
"We'll let them know."  
  
Seth craned his neck again trying to get a glimpse of Ryan.  
  
Sorry gang, just a snippet there will be more when I get back from the San Diego comic convention  
  
Maybe I'll see Seth and Ryan there heeheehee. 


	4. Chapter 4

Okay so I'm back from Comic Con... I had so much freaking fun!! I went surfing and got to be a

huge Comic/sci fi geek. It was great. I also got to go to New Port Beach and New Port Harbour. I

so love Orange County! We were close to Chino at one point but we never did drive through it.

(We got a little lost we weren't suppose to be anywhere near chino lol) if your interested in the

holiday/road trip report I have the story posted at my regular website. If your interested drop me a

line and I'll send you a link.

A big huge hug to Eljay for being my Beta

Anyways thanks for all the wonderful comments...now on with the story...

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Ryan was dreaming again. He had watched a surfing show on the sports channel last week. It was all about surfing and sharks. The sharks would circle the board or attack from below thinking the board was a seal or something. Ryan had never been surfing. Sandy said he'd only seen a shark once or twice and it was at a distance.

Right now Ryan felt as if there were sharks all around him. Nipping at him, pulling at him. His chest ached; he wasn't sure why. He tried to raise his arms to defend himself. Visions of a great white grabbing his arm and shaking it filled his head. He tried to scream but he couldn't.

Ryan gasped.

The world came rushing back. It still felt like the sharks were there. It was cold and wet and he hurt. There was noise all around him. Circling him like the sharks.

"Come on kid, give us another one. Big deep breath," pleaded some disembodied voice.

Ryan couldn't focus. This time, he managed to move his arm a bit but at that very moment his stomach decided to revolt. He coughed and strong hands rolled him on his side.

He was sick. Salt Water and vomit poured from his mouth. His nose and throat burned from the salt. He tried to move. Tried to brace himself but the arms on him wouldn't let him go. His body convulsed with pain. It felt like every drop of fluid was draining from his body.

The hands rolled him again so he lay on his back.

"Breath sounds shallow but present," the voice said to no-one Ryan could see. Then someone put their hand on his face. He tried to pull away but the hand was steady and firm. The hand pulled his eyelid back. Pain shot through his head like a knife; cold, hard and exact. Ryan hissed despite himself. He tried to twist away. A groan ripped from his throat.

"Ryan?" Someone poked his shoulder roughly. "Ryan? Do you know where you are?"

Ryan blinked upwards he could see shaped but everything was blurry. He hurt to much, he just wanted to sleep a little, then maybe he would feel better.

That persistent annoying voice would not leave him alone. "Ryan, answer me." This time whoever that was pinched him in the ribs.

"Ow; go away," he managed to croak. His voice sounded raw and he blinked surprised.

A man leaned over him. He was blurry on the edges but Ryan was able to focus on him. There were others, but Ryan couldn't quite see them. Everything was strangely out of focus.

"Do you know your name?"

This was all so weird. "Ryan, Ryan A-Atwood." He started to cough again and he couldn't stop shivering.

"Ryan do you know where you are?" asked the voice again.

He wasn't sure and that thought filled him with dread. Where was he? Why did everything hurt? Then an even worse thought surged in to his brain. Where's Seth? Seth should be here! Seth was here before. Where did he go? "S-Seth?" his words were coming out stuttered as he shivered. When Seth didn't arrive Ryan began to panic. "Seth!?" What little vision Ryan had turned red then black on edges as he gasped for air.

"He's here son, he's here--we're just getting him warmed up. It's okay. Big, deep breaths okay!?"

Ryan didn't believe him. He needed to see Seth. "Seth," he moaned again before sinking into darkness.

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When Ryan woke again there were bright lights and lots of people. Ryan didn't like lots of people, why wouldn't they leave him alone. The lights hurt and seemed to burn the back of his skull.

A women in a white coat leaned over him. "You with us son?"

Ryan didn't answer but instead blinked his eyes trying to force them to focus. His eyes darted around the room. A hospital--it looked like a hospital.

The woman, probably a doctor, was checking something at his side before she turned back to him. "Do you know where you are Ryan?"

Ryan's eye flickered around the room.

"Ryan?"

He looked up at the doctor again. "H-Hospital. S-Seth?"

"Seth's your brother?"

Ryan tried to nod but pain shot through his head again. He closed his eyes. "Yeah." He managed to rasp.

"He's next door, Dr. Raimer is with him. He's doing fine. We're all just worried about you. I'm Dr. Casper, like the ghost." She smiled brightly as Ryan opened his eyes again. She was still blurry but slowly things were becoming clearer. "Ryan," Dr. Casper continued. "We are going to have to take you for some x-rays soon. Before we do that though I think we have a couple of worried parents out in the hall; would you like to see them?"

"God, yes," groaned Ryan instantly.

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Sandy paced the corridor and Kirsten sat on a near-by bench wringing her hands with worry.

Six months ago, Sandy felt as if he didn't know his son any more and that his relationship with his was wife was slowly fading away. Then they took in Ryan. Ryan, despite all his efforts to be a loner, was like the missing piece to the Cohen puzzle. He fit ... he made their family complete. Now he actually had a relationship with Seth and he and Kirsten had become a formidable team. 6 months ago, he couldn't imagine having two sons. Now he couldn't imagine life without them both. A chill ran up his back. Tonight he had nearly lost them both.

Finally, a doctor stepped out in to the corridor. Kirsten stood, taking Sandy's hand for support as the doctor stepped up to them. She reached out and Sandy shook her hand. "I'm Doctor Casper. You are the Cohens?"

"Hello," replied Sandy politely but hurriedly. "How are my boys?"

"Seth is being treated by Dr. Raimer, but he reports to me that Seth has only some minor contusions and some broken ribs, but the fractures did not result in any internal injuries. He also suffered hypothermia, but his temperature is back up to normal now. We would like to observe him overnight, just to be certain, but if all goes well, he can be released in the morning."

Sandy let out a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding.

"And, Ryan?" questioned Kirsten shakily.

"I've been treating Ryan." Replied Dr. Casper steadily. "He is stable now, but he was a bit more banged up then Seth. We are going to send him down for x-rays soon. We believe he has a concussion, plus there has been some extensive damage to his right arm and left knee. I think the knee may just require a brace for a while, but we may need to put a pin in the arm. X-rays will help us to determine the extent of the damage."

Kristen gasped and Sandy squeezed her hand tightly.

The doctor continued. "What worries us a bit is that off and on Ryan seems to be having problems breathing and seems disorientated. We are monitoring him. When he was pulled from the water he wasn't breathing and he was unconscious. It could be linked to the hypothermia or the concussion. It's really to soon to tell. We are going to need to run some tests. I was wondering, does he have a history of respiratory problems? Also he seems to be running a slight fever; was he sick before the accident. Has he picked up any viruses lately?"

"It's my fault!" moaned Kirsten. "Seth said he was sick but he wouldn't admit it. It looked like he was getting a cold. I knew I shouldn't have let them go sailing. What have I done?"

Sandy pulled Kirsten close. "Shh, it's not your fault. There is no way you could have known this would happen." Sandy turned his head towards the doctor. "My wife told me just after lunch that Ryan seemed to be coming down with something. I don't think he has a history of Asthma or anything." Sandy paused to kiss his wife on the forehead as she continued to fret beside him. "Doctor, can we see them?"

Doctor Casper nodded. "Sure, you may want to visit Ryan briefly first because we really need to get him upstairs for those X-rays."

Sandy gave a small nod and he and Kristen followed the doctor towards where their sons were. Sandy couldn't help but frown. This day had started out so normal... why was this happening to them? But like all the big questions in life, there was no definite answer.

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

"Hey kid, are you awake?" It was a whispered question. A soft hand followed, brushing the hair off his brow.

"Mmm, Kirsten?"

Ryan tried to shake the rocks off his eyelids. It was a few seconds more before he succeeded. Sandy was standing on his left and Kirsten on his right. They both looked so sad. Suddenly, a horrible thought sparked in his mind. They were sad, and why weren't they with Seth? Ryan's breath started to come fast and irregular. "Sandy? Kirsten?" he managed to gasp.

Sandy stepped forward and gripped his good arm. "Shh, Ryan; it's all right."

"Seth!?" He croaked.

Kirsten smiled softly. "The doctor said he's gong to be fine. He just next door--we're going to see him next."

Ryan closed his eyes. His emotions were getting away from him. Seth was fine. He needed to get a grip. It was just so hard to focus. He tried to slow his racing heart. "I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry about, Kid." Sandy smiled softly.

"You look sad," replied Ryan but then he quietly cursed him self for being an idiot. Of course they're sad--Seth's hurt... _but he's okay,_ he had to remind himself. He was having a hard time thinking straight.

"We were just worried." Kirsten brushed his hair off his forehead again.

"I'm sorry," Ryan whispered again. He was sorry they were sad. He felt his eyelids getting heavy again. He wanted to stay awake. He tried to shake his head to wake himself up but it hurt.

"Just rest Ryan." It was Sandy's voice, but Ryan's eyes were already shut.

"I want to stay awake," he replied bluntly.

Sandy laughed lightly. "You're on some good meds. Enjoy it while you can."

"Sandy!" Ryan heard Kirsten admonish. "Ryan, Honey we're going to see Seth now but one of us will be here when you get back from x-rays okay?"

"Mmm, All right." He managed to mumble before losing his fight to stay awake.

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Seth wanted to pace. He could walk but he felt like an old man. Everything ached. No-one was telling him anything. He asked about Ryan. They only answer he got was that he was fine. He asked about his folks. The only answer he got was that they would be in soon. No-one in the place seemed to believe in details.

He flipped through a really old copy of people magazine. It had the stupid Olsen twins in it. They looked to be about eight or nine. Considering that they were older then he was it meant that this magazine must have been printed at the dawn of time.

"Gahh!" Frustrated, he threw the magazine across the room--nearly hitting his two worried parents as they entered.

"Seth!" exclaimed his mother only semi-angrily.

"Mom! Dad! Thank God!"

His mother rushed over and squeezed him tightly. Seth ribs whined in protest. "Ow, Mom!"

"Oh my goodness, I'm sorry... I forgot; it's just that I was so worried!"

Seth smiled. It just felt so good to see them. His dad mussed his hair roughly and couldn't seem to wipe the grin off his face.

Seth's grin quickly faded though. "Dad, did they tell you anything about Ryan?"

Seth couldn't help but notice his parents also sobered.

His dad rubbed his chin as if he was trying to think of an appropriate answer. "He's going to be okay. He's got a broken arm and he hurt his knee. The doc seems worried though because of the concussion and the water..."

"Dad, spill it."

His mom interjected. " He's going to be fine, he just isn't himself right now."

Sandy frowned. "Seth what happened out there?"

Seth retold his story. He told his dad all about the drunks in the speedboat. How they destroyed the _Summer's Breeze_ then simply ditched Ryan and Seth. When he got to the part where Ryan disappeared under the water he was crying. His mom was holding him close and his patted him on the shoulder. "I'm sorry," He sniffled. "I told the Harbor Patrol, what I could but they said they would need to ask more later on... Ryan wasn't breathing and..." Seth let his voice trail off. He didn't want to tell his folks that he had thought Ryan was dead.

"It's okay Honey, it's okay now; you're both safe. It's going to be okay," his mother soothed. Seth felt like an idiot crying on his mother shoulder but he couldn't help it. He knew know why he liked to read comics. They were heroes and he wasn't. Seth had panicked when Ryan disappeared under the water. The image of that empty space where Ryan had been only moments before would be burned in to his brain forever. He had let his brother down and at the worst possible moment.

A loud scream broke Seth out of his moment of self-pity and doubt.

"NO! Get away from me!!!" There was no mistaking the voice. It was Ryan. "NO!" He screamed again. Seth's parents were on their feet in a second. He had never seen them move so fast. But, before they even got the door there was a loud crash and medical people started to run.

Seth started to get out of bed too but his father turned on him. His Dad pointed his finger directly as Seth. Seth knew that the pointy finger was never to be argued with.

"You sit! Don't move."

Seth gave a terse nod before his parents disappeared out the door. Seth was alone again, left wondering what the hell was going on.

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

TBC

Muhahahahahaha!


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry gang I've been really sick, I am sometimes a bit slow getting new chapters up but never this bad.

Stupid asthma anyways lol

Once again thank you for all the nice comments... thanks to Eljay for Beta reading (and she's never even

seen an episode of the O.C.... but I am sending her a tape)

Oh just a note there is a bit of a graphic scene .. you have been warned

* * *

Kirsten and Sandy ran to the next room as quickly as possible. Kirsten's heart beat wildly in her chest.

_What could be wrong?!_ She didn't think she could face the risk of losing one of her boys again. _Please __don't let it be something awful. Please, please, please, _she chanted to herself. As she entered the doorway with Sandy at her side she covered her mouth with her hand.

Kirsten's heart had been beating out of control only a moment ago but now it felt like it has stopped. She shielded her eyes against Sandy's chest. Shenever ever wanted to see again what she just saw.

Ryan was on his bed. Yelling like the devil was here to take him home. Blood from the wound on his arm sprayed the wall. Doctors and nurse's dashed about.

An orderly apparently saw them. "Please, you'll need to wait out side."

Kirsten refused to look up.

She could hear Sandy's strong voice. "What's going on!?"

"I'm sorry Sir, please wait outside. The doctor will be out to talk to you soon."

"What do you mean you're sorry!?" Sandy demanded as they were shuffled out the door.

Kirsten allowed herself a brief glance upwards. The orderly looked so young; he had blue eyes like Ryan's.

The orderly smiled sadly. "It means I don't know what happened but the best Doctor here is working on him. Someone will be out to speak to you shortly."

As the young man ducked quickly back in to the room, Kirsten could feel Sandy's arms tighten around her.

He rested his chin on the top of her head. She looked up at him searching for comfort. He was the one who brought Ryan home to them. At first she couldn't imagine Ryan being in her home. Now she couldn't imagine a home without him. As she gazed up at her husband's pale and haggard face she realized she wasn't alone. Sandy has told her there was a _no return policy_ when she had brought Ryan home from

Juvenile Hall. She was glad for it. As she watched Sandy's face she noticed a tear at the corner of his eye. It had been years since she had seen him cry. He loved Ryan just as much if not more then she did. She had to be strong for everyone's sake.

She raised her hand to her husband's cheek. "It's okay, it'll be okay. Ryan's strong."

Sandy smiled softly and his voice cracked with emotion. "I-I don't know what to do. I should do something."

"We'll go sit with Seth and wait, it's all we can do."

Kirsten led Sandy back it to Seth's room. Her beloved curly-headed boy was lying on the bed staring at the ceiling. When Seth saw them he sat up with a jerk. He instantly turned pale and grabbed his side with a moan.

Kirsten was at his side and Sandy helped him to lie back down slowly.

"Ow, not cool," Seth managed to gasp after a moment.

"You'll have to move slow for a while, remember. Did you hurt anything? Do you need the nurse or a drink?" Sandy was obviously was still in full parental mode and desperately needing to take care of someone.

"Whoa, Dad take it down a notch," replied Seth. "I'm fine; what's up with Ryan?"

Kirsten was glad she wasn't the only one to notice her husband's state of mind. "We don't know, Seth. He was yelling... they wouldn't let us in. We're waiting to hear." She wouldn't tell Seth about the blood. She didn't want him to have that image in his head like she did.

She no sooner said the words when Dr. Casper walked in to the room. Her face looked more strained than it had when she had talked to them the first time. Still, she seemed calm.

The three Cohens stared at her anxiously. Kirsten unconsciously held her breath.

She nodded to them all formally. "Mr. and Mrs. Cohen, Seth."

"Is Ryan okay?" Seth voice squeaked from behind Kirsten's back.

"Well, we have him stable once again. He's got a bit of a fever which we are concerned about as we believe it is causing some delirium. That is why he was yelling. As a result he pulled out some of his stitches. We have him under light sedation. He's on his way up to x-rays now so soon we will know the full extent of his injuries. Until then we will just have to wait." The doctor seemed to gauge their reactions for a moment before continuing. "I do have a bit of good news though. Seth's room is ready. We'll have some orderlies take you up in a minute. If one of you could wait down here until Ryan comes back though, it would be greatly appreciated."

Sandy turned to his wife kissing her on the forehead. "You go with Seth. Ryan and I will be fine."

Kirsten was torn. She wanted to be with both of them. She gave Sandy a brief smile. "Are you sure I can't be cloned?"

Sandy gave her a soft smile. "I'll be up as soon as I can."

* * *

Time had passed.

Ryan couldn't tell if he was awake or asleep. It was dark and quiet. He felt cold. Like he was still in the water. He didn't want to be in the water anymore. He didn't like water.

"No," he moaned.

There was a hand on his head. "Shhh kid, it's okay... just rest."

Ryan blinked his eyes open blearily. "Mmm," he tried but then realized that probably wasn't a word.

"Sandy?" he managed to croak.

"Right here." Sandy sat on the edge of his bed he looked tired and despite the cheery smile he put on.

Ryan swallowed. "I feel weird. What's going on?"

Sandy's brow furrowed. "You feel weird? Should I call a nurse?"

Ryan shook his head and then wished that he hadn't. "No," he croaked. "I'm not sore; I feel ...foggy."

Sandy's hand returned to Ryan's forehead as if checking his temperature. "Well, you've been sick for a while. Do you remember what happened?"

Ryan tried to think about it. "There was a boat, it hit us. Seth was hurt. There was water...lots of water and sharks." Ryan couldn't keep the shudder out of his breath as he felt his heart beat faster.

Sandy tried to calm him down. "It's okay Ryan--deep breaths. You're okay now."

"I know, I'm fine," replied Ryan automatically. Desperate to change the subject, he asked, "What time is it?"

"Nearly eleven in the morning."

"Gawd," he moaned. "I have an assignment due first thing Monday morning."

Sandy snickered. "Well I think it's going to be a little late, considering it's Wednesday."

Ryan started at Sandy in shock. "Wednesday, when the heck did that happen."

Sandy turned away to look out the window. "You were sick." Even his voice sounded tired.

Ryan took the time then to take stock of himself. His arm was wrapped in a think cast that went all the way up to his elbow. He tried but he couldn't really wiggle his fingers. His side hurt, but that didn't seem too bad; just a bit stiff. His leg was in some sort of metal and cloth brace thingy. "Man, I look like something out of one of Seth's comics."

Sandy gave a grim smile. "I was thinking more along the lines of the six million dollar man."

Ryan wanted to say something snarky in return but he realized then how much his head hurt. He made a move to sit up straighter but was forced to close his eyes and wait for the little men to stop banging on the inside of his skull.

"You okay?" Sandy questioned immediately.

"Yeah, fine," replied Ryan, but he had to stifle a groan. He looked up after a moment and met Sandy's eyes. "Really."

Sandy blew the breath out of his cheeks. They stared at each other in silence. A million thoughts raced through Ryan's brain. Did he do something wrong? Did Sandy blame him for the accident? Was Seth okay? Or were they just lying to him before. Ryan had been in the hospital before, but never too long.

Being in the hospital cost a lot. If... if he had been in here since early Sunday there was going to be a big bill.

Sandy stepped forward and helped Ryan to adjust his bed so he was sitting. "You need anything else?"

Ryan was going to shake his head but thought better of it. "Umm, no, I'm good."

Ryan kept his eyes low and picked at the edge of his cast with his good hand. "Did I do something wrong?"

Sandy looked at him with surprise. "What? No, of course not!? Why would you even think that?"

Ryan shrugged his shoulders. "I don't really remember what happened. Well bits, but nothing really clearly." Ryan sat there for a moment trying to think about the best way to phrase his question. Sandy waited for him patiently. Some times straightforward was the best. "Is Seth okay?"

Sandy sat on the edge of his bed again and placed his hand on Ryan's shoulder. Ryan forced himself to look up at the older man.

Sandy smiled. "Right now Seth is at home on the couch, bored out of his skull because he has no one to play x-box with. I think he's finally given up trying to convince Kirsten that he needs to be up here 24 hours a day. I sent them both home to rest. He had a couple of broken ribs after the accident but as long as he takes it easy, he'll be fine."

"You look tired."

Sandy laughed. "I am. It's been a long couple of days. I nearly lost both of my boys. Made me stop and take stock. Sometimes life goes along so smoothly you forget how good you have it. You scared me kid."

"Sorry."

Sandy smiled. "Nothing to be sorry about."

Just then Seth And Kirsten burst in. Well Seth burst in; Kirsten just sort of strolled.

"Ryan!" shouted Seth, as he leapt on to the bed. The leap then caused Seth's face to contort in pain as he moaned dramatically. "Oh, ow!!! The ribs, the ribs!"

Ryan smiled despite himself.

Kirsten walked over and kissed Ryan on the forehead. "Glad to see you awake finally, sleepyhead."

Sandy began to protest. "Hey, didn't I just send you guys home a few hours ago?"

"We did, well were," replied Seth quickly. "But Mom was a restless and after 15 minutes she was begging to come back."

"Uh huh, I see. Why do I find that hard to believe?" Sandy replied dryly.

Kirsten smiled seemingly bemused by the three men. Still, it only took about a minute and a half before '_full mother mode_' kicked in.

The first thing she did was place a hand on his forehead like Sandy did. _Why did everyone keep doing that_?

"How you feel, Honey?"

"Fine." Actually he was getting a bit tired. His head hurt, his arm, hurt, and his leg hurt. He wished he could just close his eyes and sleep for a thousand years. None of this he would mention to the Cohens. If he learned nothing else from his life in Chino, he learned that; pain was weakness.

"Here let me pour you some water."

Kirsten reached over and grabbed a blue Tupperware jug and a glass from Ryan's bedside table.

Ryan watched the water slowly trickle from the jug in to the glass. It was as if time slowed to a near stand still. Drop by crystalline drop the wet cold liquid poured in to the glass.

No words came to Ryan's mind then only an onslaught of feelings and images.

Cold, hurt, Seth, can't breath, sharks, death.

Kirsten leaned forward offering him the glass. Ryan yelped and batted it from her hand.

They all stared at each other in stunned silence. Nobody quite knew what had just happened.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

Thank you for all the nice comments... I am feeling better ((hugs))

My poor beta reader though was stuck in that Hurricane.

All is good now though

And I promise I won't let Ryan stink heeheehee

This one is for Eljay for all she does and for Harper Pixie ..cause she likes the O.C. too

sorry it's a bit of a short chappie

* * *

"I'm sorry," gushed Ryan. "I don't know why I did that. I'm sorry." Ryan leaned sideways in an attempt to reach the paper towel on hisbedside table. A strip of pain flared in his side he stifled his groan but he could feel his cheeks burning as the pain made the blood rush to his face. 

Sandy reached for his shoulder pulling him back. "Shh, it's okay kid we got it. No big deal."

Kirsten stooped to pick up the cup as she wiped up at the water on the floor.

Ryan closed his eyes. She was a proper person, a good person. She shouldn't have to clean up after him. "I'm sorry," he repeated.

Sandy had his hand on Ryan's forehead again. "It's okay, just take deep breaths okay."

Ryan hadn't realized he was gasping. Now he could think of nothing else. "What's wrong?" he paused trying to get some air. He could feel the ends of his finger tips start to tingle. "This...is stupid and embar-rassing..." he managed to cough.

Sandy spoke to Kirsten ignoring what Ryan said. "He doesn't have a fever again, maybe we should call a nurse though."

"Sandy." Ryan choked out in attempted protest.

Seth was strangely silent throughout it all.

Sandy focused on him again. "Deep breaths."

Ryan gave up and tried to focus. He breaths came fast and shallow. Why couldn't he control them? Ryan hated being out of control.

A nurse came in then. But he didn't remember anyone actually calling her. Ryan tried to sit up. Maybe if he just got up he could calm his breathing down. There were too many eyes on him now. The aches and pains seized him as he tried to move. Could someone die from cramps? The room spun dizzily. There were voices everywhere, but none of them made sense. Then one seemed to break through the others; one made sense.

"Ryan, just listen to me. Lay down. Everything will be okay. There is no more water here. You can breath. Just try. Don't leave me here alone."

Ryan's breath hitched in his chest but slowly everything came in to focus. Ryan looked up. Seth was there gripping the side of the bed tightly while staring at him intently.

"Seth?" questioned Ryan confused.

"Yeah, it's cool."

Ryan looked away trying to see the other people in the room. The nurse put a mask over his face. Sandy and Kirsten looked like they had seen a ghost. He wanted to apologize but the doctor said something to him. It was distracting; he couldn't even remember the doctor coming in. The doctor injected something into his I.V. His armed burned for a moment and the world slid away.

Kirsten wiped stress tears from her cheeks and Seth's dad wrapped his arm around her shoulder. Seth forced himself to take a deep breath as visions of that day rapidly found their way into his thoughts. How could he tell his folks he knew what was wrong with Ryan. Seth had lost it when the lifeguards showed up and Ryan had disappeared. Ryan was his best friend. Hell, they were more then that now. They were brothers.

Seth couldn't imagine. He had been so scared he was going to be alone again and he wasn't even the one that was drowning. Seth had grown up in the water. Even before they moved to New Port he was always at the local pool. They vacationed on the ocean... Ryan never had. Ryan had been so out of his element here in New Port, the ocean was a foreign concept. So if Seth had been scared, Ryan had to be at least ten times more freaked out. The thing with Ryan is he gave nothing away. Seth doubted Ryan even admitted his fears to himself. Ryan was all about gut reaction. It's a big part of what Seth admired about Ryan. It was also why Ryan could some times be dangerous...to others and himself.

Seth didn't mean to flinch when his dad hand touched his shoulder. "You okay? You did a great thing there."

Seth shook himself physically and mentally. "Um, yeah Dad, just peachy. Is he going to be okay?"

Everyone looked up at the doctor then who seemed to be studying Ryan's charts. The Doctor smiled at them. "He is improving physically."

"But," Kirsten interjected. "He can't breath; how can that be better? He can't keep going on like this."

"Ryan has no history of Asthma, I believe what we just witnessed was a panic attack."

Sandy stared at the doctor. "A panic attack? Our Ryan? I mean Ryan is very ... well, he's not known for showing a lot of emotion."

Seth looked at his father. His dad was having the same thoughts he was. Ryan was always in control. But, in a way it made sense. Ryan was one of two things. Cool and controlled or explosive.

"It's not unusual," Doctor Casper continued. "Both your boys have been through something very traumatic. It would probably be good if they could talk about it with some one. I could arrange..."

"No," muttered Ryan from his bed. He had been a sleep only moments before. He was barely conscious and yet he was still protesting. "No shrinks!"

"I second that! Totally!"

"Seth! Ryan..." Sandy started.

Ryan moaned, "No... Mmm pizza."

Seth couldn't stop the smirk. "I think we've officially lost him Dad."

Kirsten sighed loudly and both of the Cohen men flinched visibly. That sigh meant only one thing. Kirsten had had enough. "Thank you doctor. My family and I will discuss our options."

"Oh, oh," whispered Sandy to Seth. Seth's grin grew despite himself. He raised his hand to cover his mouth in a vain attempt to hide his mirth.

The doctor nodded and smiled again before making a quick exit.

"All right that's quite enough Seth Cohen! Don't think I didn't see that grin! I don't think any of us are in any shape to make any decisions at the moment. Let's give Ryan a break and go down to the cafeteria and have some supper."

Seth stomach growled in agreement.

* * *

The three Cohens sat around an old table in an even older hospital cafeteria. The florescent lights flickered overhead annoyingly. 

Seth picked at a plate of cold fries as his parents discussed some of Ryan's paperwork for the hospital.

Sandy placed one of Ryan's old files from social services on the table in front of Seth's fries. Seth let his eyes wander over to it. He was bored out of his skull and actually his ribs were starting to ache again. He really just wanted to take a nap. He needed to talk to Ryan once more before he headed home though. He wanted to tell Ryan he understood about the water; he wanted to tell Ryan.... Seth's brains finally caught up with his eyes.

The name on the file read:

Ryan James Atwood.

D.O.B. 06/06/1988

Seth's grin grew and grew. Ryan was younger then him! Ryan was his little brother! Seth's birthday was January 15th. Oh, Ryan was never going to live this down.

Sandy poked him in the shoulder. "What's up with you?"

"Huh, what?" Seth feigned innocence and tucked his new found information away in the back of his mind for future use."

Sandy looked at his son seriously. "How are you dealing—you know, I don't even know if I've asked you that question. We've been so busy with Ryan being hurt and then the fever..."

Seth raised his hand in protest. "Dad, take a breath, I'm fine."

It was then Kirsten joined in. "Last night you fell asleep on the couch. You seemed to be having a nightmare but you woke yourself up. I forgot about it until now. I can't remember you having a nightmare since you were little."

"I didn't need them until Ryan joined the clan, my life was a nightmare."

"Seth," replied Kirsten sternly.

"Okay, yeah, fine... there have been a few nightmares since the accident. But, you guys have no idea how scary it was. I mean the accident; it was like they say it is on TV. Everything went slow-mo and there was nothing I could do. I can still see that boat barreling down on us. Then Ryan, he was always the strong one but he looked so afraid. I've never seen him look like that before. But, the worst part was when he just disappeared. One moment he was there, then he was just gone. He was so quiet I... he didn't say anything he was just gone."

He hadn't realized he was crying until his Mom reached over and gripped his hand. "Seth, I really think maybe you and Ryan should talk to someone."

Seth wiped hastily and his face with his free hand. "Mom, I don't want people to think I'm some sort of whack-job."

"Seth," Sandy cut in. "No one needs to know... it will stay just between us."

Kirsten smiled tenderly. "You've been through a hugely traumatic event. Like the doctor said, it's normal for you to feel stressed. Ryan and you both need to talk to someone who knows how to handle the types of emotions you and he must be feeling. It's nothing to be ashamed about. Besides, we'd love you even if you were a _whack-job_."

Seth sniffed and smiled despite himself at his Mother's lame attempt at a joke. "Mom, don't say whack-job." Then he sighed. "Fine, whatever you guys think is best. I'll talk to someone. But, I'm not going to be the one who's going to tell Ryan that he has to get all touchy-feely with some stranger."

TBC.


	7. Chapter 7

I don't know that I thank you guys enough. I truly appreciate your comments ((hugs))

Special thanks to my Beta Eljay

* * *

Dr. Emmanuel stepped in to Ryan's room. She had talked to the parents and even had a session with the brother; now she was about to meet Ryan. The boy was sitting up in his bed. He was reading a book but was alert and watching her intently as she entered. The father... Sandy, had given her a copy of Ryan's state records. Dr. Emmanuel had been surprised this boy had never been recommended to another therapist during his earlier life. This boy needed to talk. Seth had warned him that Ryan _'wasn't much for talking.'_ But Dr. Emmanuel had her ways.

"Hi, Ryan," she smiled. "I'm Dr. Emmanuel."

Ryan didn't return her smile and seemed to be very cautious in his reply. "Are you a doctor-doctor or a shrink-doctor?"

She laughed lightly in reply. "The latter I'm afraid." It was important to keep things comfortable with this kid. He would have serious trust issues and he needed to be able to relax around her.

Ryan gave her a solemn nod but showed little emotion.

She took the chair beside his bed and sat in it casually. "Did your foster parents tell you I was coming?"

"Yeah, but I really don't need to talk to anyone, no offense." He cast his eyes down then, towards the wall.

She shrugged, "None taken, I hear you're feeling better?"

Ryan shrugged in return.

Seth had been right; Ryan wasn't very vocal. "I heard you might be able to go home soon. I hate hospitals myself."

Ryan raised his eyebrow at her. "But, you're a doctor?"

"Yup, but I'm a shrink not a doctor, doctor." She used Ryan's words. She got a small fake smile from him nothing more. He was just being polite. "So," she forged on. "You live with foster parents? Where are your folks?" She knew the answer already but she wanted to hear it from him.

"Dad's in jail. Mom took off."

"Ah, that's tough luck." She watched him for a moment. He looked way from her. He refused to meet her eyes. His fingers fidgeted with the edge of his blanket. "So, why do you think I'm here?"

A flicker of unreadable emotion crossed his face as he looked down at his hands. "I don't need to talk to anyone. I'm fine."

"That's not what I asked."

The silence grew heavy for a moment. All she could hear were the sounds of the hospital outside his door.

"They're worried," he whispered.

"Pardon me?"

"They're worried," he repeated louder.

"Why would they worry about you, Ryan? You are getting better." Once again she knew the answer but she need to see his reactions; she needed to gauge his responses.

Ryan's' mouth opened and closed a few times he was weighing his words. "Seth, my brother, we were in an accident. Did you talk to him to?"

Dr. Emmanuel nodded. "I did. I have to say though he's pretty much your polar opposite."

That drew a genuine small smirk from the boy. She also noted that he never mentioned the word 'foster' when talking about Seth. "He kept calling me Doc Oc. I'm not that old, I've seen the movie and I don't have eight mechanical arms"

That actually resulted in a sort bark of laughter from Ryan.

"Do you read comics like Seth?"

"Um, not really...sort of."

She gave him time to explain himself. It was apparent that he thought about everything he said before he said it. She wondered why he was so cautious.

Ryan finally continued. "I don't mind them but I mostly read them so I can understand what Seth is saying. He's going to be okay isn't he?"

The doctor raised her eyebrow and Ryan's concern but she didn't want to talk about Seth just then. "Seth is fine, He's worried about you though. Do you and Seth share a lot of interests? You seem like good friends?"

Ryan glanced up at her briefly but it was a big step forward. "Yeah, I guess."

"Do you like sailing?"

He grinned and shook his head. He had figured out her tactic. He was a smart kid.

"Then why did you go sailing? Do like the ocean?" she pushed but it was a push too far.

Ryan grew agitated. "I said, I'm fine. I don't need to talk. I don't know why I flipped out the other day but I'm fine. It was stupid."

Dr. Emmanuel stood up slowly and walked closer to his bedside. "You seem like a bright kid. I don't think anything about you is stupid."

Ryan glared at her.

She continued, "People do things for a reason, Ryan. But, we can't always figure out why. We can only know what's in our own head."

"There is nothing wrong with me."

"Never said there was." She replied brightly then quickly changed the subject. She had learned enough for now. "Well, I got to run, but we'll talk more tomorrow okay?"

"Whatever." Ryan's reply was a forced monotone.

* * *

Later that day Dr. Emmanuel met with Ryan's foster parents to discuss her initial assessment.

She looked over at the two fidgeting parents. They didn't seem like people who were used to being out of the loop. They didn't know what to do and it frightened them. The father forced a smile very much like Ryan had forced his indifference earlier in the day. "Well, Dr. Emmanuel, you've spoken with Ryan then?"

Dr. Emmanuel took a sip out of the chipped coffee cup that sat on her desk. "I have, but first let me tell you the exact conversations between me and Ryan are confidential. I can only tell you my over-all feel of the situation."

Both parents nodded in unison obviously eager for her to get on with it. "We understand Doctor, we're just worried about him."

"Call me Sheila please."

The mother, Kirsten gave her a small smile.

The doctor cleared her through slightly before she began. "I've read in his file that Ryan came from an abusive home before he came to be with you. Am I correct?"

Sandy, the father, confirmed the information.

"I have a theory, and it's only that until I can talk to him more thoroughly, that Ryan's biggest issue isn't this accident or his new fear of water. I think Ryan has problems with control."

"Ryan has a temper but other then that I've never seen a teenager his age more mature. I don't understand. Ryan isn't out of control."

"Actually, that partially confirms my theory." Replied Sheila. "Ryan couldn't control others when they abused him. He couldn't stop his mother's substance abuse problems. He felt out of control. I think when he moved in with your family he felt like he finally had control of his life. This accident has shaken that belief."

"Do you think he can overcome this?" Kirsten wrung her hands nervously as she waited for a reply.

"Well first I need to get him to talk to me. That alone is not going to be very easy."

Sandy gave a sly smile then. "Ryan is not known for his wordiness."

Sheila grinned herself. "I can see that." Then she grew serious and leaned forward in her chair. "The only way he's going to get better is to admit there is a problem. He needs to talk to someone. It doesn't even have to be me. Try to get him to open up. See if you can get him to admit his fears. Once we can get him to do that we'll be halfway there. Then we can focus on why he feels he needs to be in control all the time."

"Ryan's doctor mentioned that he'll probably be able to go home tomorrow, " Sandy informed her.

"I'll meet with Ryan as an out patient. It's really important that you keep a close eye on him over then next few days. He may say he's okay but he's not. He really needs someone to lean on right now and he's not going to be happy about it.

* * *

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

Thanks for all the comments and thanks to the lovely Eljay as always

* * *

At noon the next day Ryan was helped in to the SUV. Despite his claims that that he didn't need help and with much rolling of eyes on everyone's part they were soon on their way back home.

Ryan was more tired than he would like to admit. It was the most moving he had done in a long time. He had to use a crutch but he could only use one since his other arm was in a sling. The Doctor suggested a wheelchair temporarily but Ryan vetoed that idea pretty quick. Like sicking a shrink on him wasn't embarrassing enough. Ryan leaned sideways resting his head on the nice cool passenger side window and watched the cars zoom by.

Sandy and Kristen were in the front and Seth sat beside him in the back. Seth had wanted to drive, but Sandy joked that he wanted to go home not have another trip to the hospital. Ryan managed to ignore their banter for the most part until Seth started nattering at him about something.

"So Ryan, Trey is your older brother right?"

Ryan barely mumbled a confirmation in reply.

"So you're like used to being the baby right?"

Ryan lifted his head and turned to Seth annoyed. "Seth what are you talking about?"

Kirsten turned around in her seat. "You two behave; don't make me stop this car," she teased.

Seth stuck his tongue out at her.

"No need." Sandy piped up. "We're home."

The SUV pulled in to the driveway. Seth quickly hopped out and got to Ryan's side before he had even removed his seatbelt. "Seth," the other boy complained lightly.

"Aw, common on Gimpy get a grip."

"I'm not a gimp." But Ryan smiled despite himself. Ryan handed Seth his crutch and then grabbed the youngest Cohen's shoulder using him for balance as he pulled himself out of the vehicle. Kirsten and Sandy stood nearby with confused but happy smirks on their faces. "What!?"

Sandy raised his hands in mock defense. Kirsten smiled and led the way in to the house. The family congregated in the kitchen and Ryan attempted to hobble out towards the pool house but froze at the door. He forgot that his pool house was actually by the pool.

The late afternoon sun glittered off the soft ripples off the eternity pool. Past the pool off in to the distance was the ocean, where the water seemed to go on forever. Ocean, sharks, no air... drowning. Ryan's breath caught in his throat. His good hand shook rattling the door handle, his stomach flipped in on itself and the edges of his sight grew black.

"Whoa, whoa, easy kid." Sandy grabbed his arm just as his knees started to buckle. "Let's get you on the couch in the living room okay?"

Ryan shook his head trying to clear his vision. He was sitting on the couch but he didn't actually remember moving there. It was more then a little disconcerting. Seth and Kirsten both stood in the doorway looking at him like he was about to sprout horns or something. Sandy sat on the edge of the coffee table looking at him concerned. "I'm fine." Ryan tried unconvincingly. His voiced even sounded shaky to him.

"You are anything but fine, Ryan. Care to tell me what happened there?"

Ryan's eyes darted between all those looking at him. He just wanted to disappear into the couch. He dropped his voice low, nearly a whisper. "I don't know. Maybe I'm just tired."

Ryan stared at the carpet but he could feel Sandy's eyes boring in to the top of his head. Finally, Sandy let out a sigh of resignation but Ryan knew Sandy wouldn't let it go.

"We'll talk about this later. For now, upstairs to rest."

Ryan looked up then. "Upstairs?"

"Kirsten and I talked about it, you just didn't give us a chance to tell you. You can stay in the guest room until you're better. Then we can talk about moving you in here permanently."

"But, why?"

Sandy laughed. "Oh so now you want to talk. Seth will help you upstairs."

Ryan wobbled to his feet with an arm out from Sandy and started to hop towards the stairs.

Seth met him at the stairs. "Want me to tuck you in to?"

Ryan just glared at him.

"I mean I feel it's my responsibility to watch out for you now," Seth commented as Ryan hopped unsteadily up the first couple of stairs.

"Seth, what the hell are you talking about?" Ryan huffed.

Ryan could see the evil glint in Seth's eye. He was totally up to something. "Ah, never mind for now, let's get you up stairs, squirt." Seth keep a steady grip on Ryan's upper arm.

"Seth, keep it up and I'll beat you with my crutch."

Seth's grin grew from ear to ear. "You'll have to catch me first."

* * *

It hadn't taken Ryan long to fall asleep. The room was dark with the curtains drawn, despite the fact that it was only the middle of the afternoon.

Ryan dreamed of the YMCA. Not the song by the gay guys in strange costumes but of the swimming lesson he took through a school program when he only seven. The other kids were all in the deeper end treading water but Ryan refused to get in. One of the boys in his class yelled at him, making fun of him. Others giggled and pointed. Ryan stood shivering, his toes gripping the rough edge of the pool. The water was deep here, but the instructor told him he had to get in or get out of the pool area. So he held his breath, held his nose shut with his right hand and jumped.

He burst through the water and he could feel the cool air disappear. He kicked his legs but found no purchase. He kept sinking. He wanted to yell for help but there was no air. He could see the pool's underwater lights flash blurrily in the distance. He kicked his legs and flailed his arms but everything he did seem to cause the opposite effect than the one he was trying to achieve. His chest hurt and things started to grow very foggy. His knees scraped the bottom, scraping and tearing... clouds of red pooled up beside him.

He opened his mouth and screamed, "NO!"

He shot upwards in his bed gasping for air. Pain lanced through his body and he couldn't seem to catch his breath. Suddenly there were arms and soft voices in his ears. His heart was still racing and he shook, fighting panic. "No," he gasped over and over again. "That never happened, that never happened."

Slowly he became aware of his surroundings. He was clutching on to Kirsten, who had pulled him in to her embrace. "Shh," she whispered quietly in to his ear. "Deep breaths; it was just a dream, just a dream." Her hand moved soothingly over the back of his head. Out of the corner of his eye he say Sandy in the doorway of the room as well.

Ryan tried to jerk back realizing what he was doing he was acting like a child. But Kirsten held on to him for a moment longer. She let go when Ryan was able to take a deep breath and wiped at the sweat that trickled down from his hairline.

"You okay now?" Kirsten whispered.

Ryan gave a quick nod as he lay back on the bed and turned his face to the wall unable to look at the concerned faces of his foster parents. He wasn't used to other's carry. This was all too much. If he could just ... maybe... He really wasn't sure what to do anymore. Everything was all mixed up.

Kirsten kept a motherly hand of concern on his side. "Was it just a dream? Do you want to talk about it?"

Ryan felt like a child. Then a horrible thought crossed his mind. "The last thing I remember was Seth and water." He couldn't control the involuntary shudder that ran through his body then. "The I woke up and Sandy was there ... he said I'd been really sick. Was I delirious? Did I say anything ...bad?"

"You woke up a couple of times in between. You don't remember that?"

Ryan shook his head.

Kirsten gave him a soft smile when he finally looked up at her. She reached forward and brushed his bangs of his face. "You could never say anything bad."

Ryan groaned inwardly. That always meant he did say something he shouldn't have. He closed his eyes in an attempt to control his run away emotions. Why did it seem like everything was so hard lately? "What did I say?"

Sandy's voice came from the doorway. "You said something about sharks. You called for Trey to help you and for Seth because you couldn't find him. That's it. Nothing incriminating. Was there something you wanted to tell us kid?"

Ryan shook his head again. He couldn't find words that would express how he felt any better.

"Well," Started Kirsten trying to lighten the mood. "Supper's about ready. How about Sandy helps you down stairs Gimpy you must be hungry."

Ryan raised an eyebrow at Kirsten. How did they do that? The Cohens had a way of disarming him at the best of times. He gave a small smile despite himself. "I'm not Gimpy but then I haven't eaten yet."

Kirsten punched him in the shoulder lightly. "Its take out."

* * *

Supper was relaxed. The Cohen's did their best to keep things light. He spent the rest of the night playing video games with Seth in the living room. Around midnight they threw a movie in the DVD player. Seth fell asleep half way through 'Hellboy' and frankly Ryan couldn't blame him. Stretching lightly Ryan grabbed his crutch and hobbled to the kitchen. His arm and knee were both aching despite the pain meds Sandy forced on him earlier.

Milk, he needed milk. He hopped over to the fridge. This lame duck thing was going to get old fast he sighed to himself as he awkwardly tried to hold the fridge door open while not to spilling the milk. Success! He pulled the milk carton from the fridge and put it on the counter.

A flickering light caught his attention and he turned. Moonlight streamed in to the darkened room glinting of the pool. He closed his eyes took a deep breath. He needed to get a grip. _It was just the pool no sharks...lots of air. What was his problem? He could deal with this it was no big deal. He could control this. _

Blinking he limped towards the door. His hand shook on the handle and he willed it to stop. He had to do this the Cohen's would never give him a moments peace if he didn't. It was just water. Seth and him had been floating in it with Summer and Marissa not all that long ago. It had been no problem then. He could do it now.

He took a couple of steps forward. Till his barefoot hit a puddle. He freaked.

The crutch went one direction he went another. He fell heavily on the concrete with a sickening crunch.

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

As always big huggles to Eljay for being my Beta!!!

* * *

Pain coursed through his body. He groaned despite himself. He blinked clearing his eyes.

Suddenly he was nose to nose with his offender. He was close enough to feel the dampness of the concrete against his check.

He glared at it. _It was just a stupid puddle. Shit! A stupid freaking puddle!_ How was he going to explain this? He swore again when her realized everyone was asleep. _Great!_

Pain rumbled through his body again. His knee ached but mostly the pain seemed to be coming from his arm. He tried moving it and had to stop as his sight started to go red around the edges. His cast was broken. It was possible he had damaged his arm again. He wanted to scream with frustration.

He had to get up. He couldn't stay here all night. Maybe if he could get to Seth. Seth could take him to a clinic to get his cast fixed. They could be back before anyone knew. Plus, He really didn't want to have to explain to anyone why he was afraid of a puddle. _A.J. used to beat the snot out of me but other then a few nightmares and a bit of paranoia I'm fine. _

Ryan took a few deep, breaths preparing himself. He could do this, he was in control, and he could do this. He shifted bracing his good arm against the ground with a deep breath he pushed up. The world spun and he bit his lip until it passed. He was sitting up--he was halfway there. Ryan looked around for his crutch. It was at the very edge of the pool. _Swell. _

Okay, so should he crawl or walk? He decided that walking was more dignified. After a few moments of pain and precarious balance he managed to stand. _That felt better. _

Hopping carefully on one foot he went towards the pool. _Don't think, just go. Don't think, just go._ He paused and took a deep breath. _Don't think, just go. Don't think, just go! Sharks! No! Don't think; just go. Don't think! Just go! _

Then he was there. He smirked a little triumphantly. He was in control.

He heard a small noise behind him. Despite all the things he just told himself, his instincts said shark. He whirled around, his heart in his throat.

"Hey, dude, what are you doing out here? It's like three in the morning." Seth stood there rubbing sleep from his eyes.

Ryan teetered off balance. He was falling. He reached for Seth to steady himself. He thrust his arm out and managed to catch the sleeve of his foster brother's t-shirt.

Unfortunately for the both of them, Seth may have been taller, but Ryan was heavier.

There was a loud splash and the water closed in over Ryan's head. Ryan pushed off the bottom with his good leg and came sputtering to the surface.

_Seth that ass!_ He was furious as he watched his broken cast dissolved in to mush. There was no way to hide this from Sandy and Kirsten. He'd have to go back to the hospital and probably the shrink again.

Seth swam over to his side with concern. "Dude, are you okay? Did you hurt yourself?"

Ryan snarled at him. "I'm going to hurt you!"

Seth put his hands up in mock defense. "Hey, it wasn't my fault I wasn't the one hopping around the pool. I just came to see what you were doing."

"What did you think I was out doing, looking for Nemo?!" Ryan roared.

Seth sputtered out a laugh. "God, I hope not."

Ryan couldn't help it. He grinned. "You're a moron."

"Hey, I'm not the one that has a thing for Disney films."

Ryan grabbed his brother's black curly hair with his good arm and dunked it under the water.

Seth surfaced still laughing. "And you do realize you're swimming don't cha?"

Ryan froze for a moment. Seth was right. But he wasn't afraid. No sharks. No pain actually either. He wasn't in control; if he was, he wouldn't be in the pool. Yet, everything seemed okay. "Seth help me out of the pool," he whispered.

"Sure thing, it's what big brothers do." Seth spoke quietly with a small smirk.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Don't make me dunk you again, Dory."

Seth gasped, "Dude I am so not Dory. Bruce, maybe but not Dory."

They continued the debate as Seth was helping Ryan but they both froze as the kitchen light flashed on.

"Oh, oh," Seth moaned. "Do you think they will buy the Nemo excuse?"

"I doubt it."

Kirsten and Sandy came out on to the patio; neither looked impressed.

"Just what they hell do you two think you're doing!" Kirsten started. "You should both be in bed, I nearly called the police thinking you were some serial rapist or something!"

Seth smirked in spite of himself. Ryan nudged him; they were in enough trouble.

"Ryan, your cast!" Sandy admonished.

Ryan cast a quick glance at his arm. It did look kind of bad. Why did Seth's smile seem contagious?

"Um, yeah sorry. It was an accident."

Kirsten put her hands on her hips. "Please will you tell me how this could have possibly been an accident!?"

"What were you two thinking!?" Sandy shook his head.

"We were looking for Nemo." Seth answered so innocently Ryan almost believed him. Ryan lifted his hand quickly to his mouth in a vain attempt to hide his smirk.

Kirsten grabbed Seth's arm and directed him to the house. "You won't think it's so funny when you get up to go to school in the morning for school. Change. Then bed now!"

For a split second Ryan thought he might be off the hook as Kirsten followed Seth in to the house. But then Sandy took his arm to help him towards the house as well. "Kitchen Now!"

Ryan sighed, resigning himself to his fate.

* * *

Ryan seemed more relaxed as Sandy sat him on the kitchen stool. A wet, injured, relaxed mess. "Care to tell me what exactly just happened?"

"I'm not sure I can."

"Well you better start thinking of a way," Sandy warned.

Ryan opened and closed his mouth a few times obviously trying to find the right words. He finally came up with, "I slipped."

"You slipped all the way from the den into the pool?" Sandy couldn't help but smile a little.

Ryan smiled then too but kept his eyes lowered. "Yeah, well a few things happened in between too."

Sandy grew serious then. "Are you okay? Did you have another panic attack?"

Ryan frowned. He never would want to admit to a weakness but Sandy really needed him to start talking.

"I-I was trying to suck it up." Ryan finally whispered.

"Suck it up?"

"You know--deal with it." Ryan tried to explain.

Sandy put his arm on the boy's shoulder. "Ryan this isn't something you have to deal with alone."

"I know."

"Do you, really?" replied Sandy doubtfully.

"It's okay now, well not okay but better. Seth helped me sort of."

Sandy couldn't help but be surprised. The boys were close he knew but Sandy had never been sure if they spoke of serious things. "He did?"

"Look Sandy, I know you guys are worried about me but I'll figure this out."

"That's just it Ryan, you do need to work this out. In the past you had to figure stuff out on your own. But you're not alone anymore."

Ryan looked up at him and gave a wry smile. "Sometimes I forget."

Sandy pulled him in to a soft hug. "It's okay, we'll help you remember. But I would still like you to talk to the doctor."

Sandy heard Ryan mumble in to his shoulder. "Okay, I'll-I'll give it a try.

After a moment they pulled apart and Sandy smiled, "That's great kid, really it is. I know it's hard for you but I think it will help. Plus I'm here for you anytime… day or night."

Ryan gave a small nod.

Sandy ran his hands over his shirt and gave a soft laugh, "I'm all wet."

Ryan let out a barked laugh. "Sorry."

"You don't look sorry," Sandy joked. "So can you change in to some dry clothes and we'll take you over to emergency and get you a new cast."

"Can you help me to my room?" Ryan asked hesitantly.

"Kid, I'll help you with whatever you need."

Ryan smiled again.

His smiles were becoming less rare. It was a nice thing to notice. Sandy took the boy's good arm and Ryan leaned on him as they traveled down the hallway. "Hey, I was going to ask you has Seth been hassling you about being older?"

"Yeah, he thinks I don't know."

Sandy laughed, "So you do know? Why are you playing along?"

Ryan shrugged "It makes him happy. It gives him something to think about so I don't have to listen to anymore reasons about why DC is better than Marvel."

"Very shrewd Ryan, very Shrewd."

The End.

* * *

I just wanted to give a huge thank you for all of you who reviewed. Coming from a different Genre I wasn't sure anyone would be even interested in this story. Thank you so very much for your humour and support.

((((hugs))))

-Parisindy


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